It was a surprise to hear Tom Hampson of the Fabian Society wanted to ban the word "chav". It all seemed a bit old hat. Surely all the kids are using "pikey" as a term of abuse these days?

A few years ago the word "chav" was hurled at a specific group - two-fingers-in-the-air, Burberry-capped, orange-tanned, Bacardi Breezer drinking, working-class boys and girls. Now it is bandied about with such regularity that it is a catch-all snobby term for what used to be known as a "prole". In the past few years pikey, says Tony Thorne, language consultant at King's College London, has replaced chav as the insult-du-jour. With its origins in travelling communities, it now means someone beyond the class system, off the social radar, without apparent worth.

Mr Hampson's argument that chav smacks of snobbery is right but hardly new. Julie Burchill, the writer, championed the chav cause "on the basis that the white indigenous English working class is now the one group you can insult without feeling the breath of the Commission for Racial Equality on your neck".

So are the Fabians getting exercised over nothing? Chav may be passé but the issue is not. Mr Thorne suggests that, as economic uncertainty has increased, so has the "language of social distinction". "City workers and professionals are freely using words like 'proles' - the kind of language outmoded in the 1960s is returning."

As the middle classes get squeezed, swapping Ocado for Aldi, taking on second jobs, making do and mending, they may increasingly look for ways to distance themselves from those they want to cast as beneath them. Downturns are bad enough. If accompanied by a spike in snobbery, the outlook is dire.

Lara Cameron

After Gordon Brown invited comparisons with a brooding, intense Heathcliff, David Cameron is positioning himself as a modern action hero, albeit one 10 years out of date. In an interview with the Guardian, Mr Cameron likened his political task to that of Lara Croft in the video game Tomb Raider.

At first glance, he appears delusional. After all, one is tall, agile, with freakishly large breasts; the other is a weak-chinned leader of the Conservative party. But their backgrounds contain similarities. Both were born in the late 1960s into a wealthy family. Both can claim aristocratic stock: Mr Cameron is a direct descendant of King William IV; Ms Croft is the 11th Countess of Abingdon in Surrey. Both went to schools that count royalty as alumni: he to Heatherdown Preparatory School and Eton, she to Gordonstoun. Both studied at Oxford University, although there is some doubt whether Ms Croft actually completed a degree. She is athletic and he likes to pootle around London on a bicycle.

However, after university their paths diverged. She retrieved antique artefacts from exotic destinations; he joined the Conservative research department and became special adviser to Norman Lamont when he was chancellor. She became a bloodthirsty adventurer, killing security guards and police officers as well as tigers and jaguars, while he pledged to toughen knife laws and save the environment.

Mr Cameron claims never to have got past level one of Tomb Raider but judging by his description of the game, I would be surprised if he has ever played it. He likens level one to leading a political party - both establish if you are "a reasonable, decent, non-discriminating, sensible practical person who understands the world as it is lived today, who wants to live in a modern world and who accepts what that means", and level two to the stage that "you can talk about some of the difficult issues about families and about responsibilities which can lead to trouble".

This sounds like the kind of guff his children might have uttered to persuade him to let them play. If he is that gullible do we really want him as the next prime minister?

Emotional advice

So Derek Draper, the former New Labour lobbyist who became a psychotherapist, is returning to help revive the party's fortunes. His website describes him as "experienced at treating emotional and psychological issues".

In the past year Mr Draper has suggested Gordon Brown should hold steady and "give clear and accurate information repeatedly", in other words, position himself as "the father of the nation." You have been warned.

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